MODULE 9 - SHOWING OFF? BRAGGING AND BOASTING
- Alina Coston
- Aug 30
- 15 min read
BRAGGING, BOASTFUL AND SHOWING OFF!
Alina Coston has a point of view in regard to "showing off". She deals with this issue by saying, "It's time the so-called "seasoned professionals" took a hard look in the mirror. If the veterans of the industry can't resist endlessly bragging about their past glories—recounting their 40-year-old victories like broken records—what moral ground do they stand on to criticize younger professionals for showcasing their achievements? In an era where personal branding and visibility are essential for growth, it's hypocrisy at its peak. Social media is flooded with the self-congratulatory sermons of the "old and wise," desperate to stay relevant. If experience truly equals wisdom, then maybe it’s time to show it by leading with humility, not hubris".
Coston believes that, "Being loud, boastful, and frequently speaking about past achievements while showing off to colleagues and others can be attributed to various psychological factors. It's crucial to understand the underlying reasons for such behavior to address it effectively. Bragging is when someone highlights their positive traits, qualities, or accomplishments in an attempt to impress other people Bragging can be overt or covert. Overt bragging is when someone boasts openly about themselves or their achievements. Covert bragging (or humble bragging) is when someone disguises their bragging with humor, sarcasm, or self-deprecation".
WHY DO I BRAG?
Insecurity: Boastful behavior can be a defense mechanism to mask feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.
Need for Validation: Constantly seeking validation from others may lead to a tendency to showcase achievements.
Low Self-Esteem: A lack of confidence in one's worth might drive the need to constantly highlight past successes.
Competitiveness: A highly competitive nature can contribute to a constant need to outshine others.
Fear of Being Overlooked: A fear of being overlooked or undervalued may drive a desire to constantly prove oneself.
Desire for Recognition: A deep-seated desire for recognition and praise may lead to boastful behavior.
External Validation: Relying on external factors, such as achievements, for a sense of self-worth.
Lack of Humility: Difficulty in acknowledging the contributions of others and recognizing one's limitations.
Inability to Connect Emotionally: Difficulty in forming genuine connections can lead to compensating through bragging.
Past Success as Identity: If past successes define one's identity, there might be a reluctance to move beyond them.
Lack of Awareness: Limited self-awareness regarding the impact of boastful behavior on relationships.
Social Comparison: Constantly comparing oneself to others can contribute to a need to prove superiority.
Attention-Seeking: Seeking attention and admiration through constant self-promotion.
Narcissistic Traits: Certain narcissistic traits, such as an inflated sense of importance, may contribute.
Ineffective Communication: Using boastful language as a means of communication due to a lack of effective alternatives.
Unresolved Issues: Past experiences or unresolved issues may manifest in boastful behavior.
Fear of Failure: An intense fear of failure may lead to overemphasis on past successes.
Cultural Influences: Cultural norms that emphasize individual achievements may contribute to boastful behavior.
Lack of Positive Role Models: The absence of positive role models who demonstrate humility and modesty.
Misinterpretation of Confidence: A misinterpretation of confidence, where arrogance is perceived as a sign of strength.
Lack of Constructive Feedback: A lack of constructive feedback or criticism may perpetuate boastful habits.
Impatience: An impulsive desire for immediate recognition and praise.
Unawareness of Impact: Lack of awareness regarding how boastful behavior affects others.
Failure to Value Collaboration: An inability to recognize and value the importance of collaborative efforts.
Need for Control: Boasting can be a way of asserting control and dominance in social situations.
CAN I CONTROL BOASTFUL BEHAVIOR?
Develop Self-Awareness: Reflect on your behavior and its impact on others. Identify patterns of boastfulness.
Practice Humility: Cultivate humility by acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses without overemphasizing them.
Seek Constructive Feedback: Encourage colleagues to provide honest feedback on your communication style.
Value Collaboration: Emphasize the importance of teamwork and value the contributions of others.
Celebrate Others' Success: Acknowledge and celebrate the achievements of your colleagues without comparison.
Shift Focus to the Present and Future: Instead of dwelling on past successes, focus on present challenges and future goals.
Develop Emotional Intelligence: Enhance your emotional intelligence to better understand and manage your own emotions.
Engage in Active Listening: Practice active listening to show genuine interest in others' perspectives.
Express Gratitude: Express gratitude for the collaborative efforts that contribute to success.
Create Goals Beyond Past Achievements: Set new goals and aspirations that go beyond your past achievements.
Encourage Others to Share: Create an inclusive environment where others feel comfortable sharing their achievements.
Cultivate Empathy: Develop empathy by putting yourself in others' shoes and understanding their experiences.
Focus on Continuous Improvement: Embrace a mindset of continuous improvement rather than resting on past laurels.
Mindful Communication: Be mindful of the language you use and how it may be perceived by others.
Develop Interpersonal Skills: Strengthen interpersonal skills to build positive relationships with colleagues.
Practice Gratitude Daily: Cultivate a habit of expressing gratitude for the opportunities and successes you experience.
Set Realistic Expectations: Manage your expectations and recognize that success is a journey, not a destination.
Diversify Interests: Explore new interests and activities beyond your professional achievements.
Limit Social Comparison: Minimize the habit of constantly comparing yourself to others.
Encourage Team Recognition: Advocate for a workplace culture that recognizes and celebrates collective achievements.
Create a Support System: Surround yourself with individuals who encourage humility and constructive communication.
Develop a Growth Mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth and learning.
Consider the Impact: Think about how your words and actions impact others before speaking or boasting.
Engage in Mentorship: Seek mentorship from individuals who embody humility and positive communication.
Apologize and Learn: If you catch yourself being boastful, apologize and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
PUTTING DOWN OTHERS
1. The Invisible Analyst
Ravi, a data analyst, created a dashboard that helped the sales team identify declining markets, saving the company from major losses. His manager presented the insights in a leadership meeting—without mentioning Ravi’s name. Later, when someone praised Ravi, the manager said, “He just followed my instructions.”
2. The Quiet Innovator
Meena, a factory floor supervisor, redesigned a work schedule that improved productivity. A senior in another department quipped, “She probably just copied this from somewhere online. Let’s not overhype it.”
3. The Backchannel Critique
After Shyam received an award for streamlining procurement processes, a group of peers started circulating a rumor: “It’s all politics. He’s close to the CFO.” They never engaged with his actual work.
4. The Interrupted Voice
During a strategy meeting, Isha proposed an idea that was initially ignored. Ten minutes later, a senior manager repeated the same idea—and everyone praised him. Isha was visibly deflated, and no one acknowledged the origin of the thought.
5. The Cold Shoulder
After new hire Karthik quickly solved a major logistics problem, some older employees began excluding him from informal discussions and team lunches, viewing him as a “show-off.”
6. The Promotion Backlash
When Leena, a high performer in HR, was promoted over others with more tenure, some peers began labeling her as “too aggressive” or “ambitious in the wrong way,” despite her stellar track record.
7. The Passive-Aggressive Remark
At a recognition event, someone clapped slowly and muttered sarcastically when an introverted IT staffer won an internal award: “Wow, look who’s suddenly a rockstar.”
8. The Reframed Success
Ajay's cost-cutting initiative saved the company lakhs. His colleague, in a review meeting, said, “Well, sure, but it also led to a lot of confusion for the team. Not sure it was worth it.”—twisting the narrative to undermine the achievement.
9. The Gatekeeper Boss
A team lead consistently blocks their team members from presenting directly to senior management, taking credit for their work while subtly highlighting their “lack of polish.”
10. The Departmental Ego War
When a high-performing staffer from customer service was featured in the internal newsletter, someone in marketing remarked, “They should focus on departments that actually drive revenue.”
11. The Dismissed Support Role
Kavita from administration orchestrated a seamless annual retreat. A senior exec offhandedly commented, “It’s just logistics. Anyone could’ve done it.”
12. The Junior Threat
Rohan, a young engineer, started getting recognition in cross-functional meetings. A senior engineer began overexplaining simple concepts to him in front of others, undermining his competence.
13. The Idea Snatcher
In a brainstorm, Preeti shared a creative idea. Later, a colleague reworded it and presented it in another forum as their own—getting all the praise.
14. The Undermining Email
After Deepak submitted a report that was praised by the director, a peer replied-all to the appreciation email: “Hope the formatting issues don’t cause confusion. We should review such things thoroughly.”—subtly undermining the praise.
15. The Smiling Assassin
In one-on-one settings, a peer congratulates you for a great project. In other settings, they complain that “you don’t share credit,” or “you’re trying to outshine the team,” spreading doubts about your intentions.
ARE THERE REASONS?
They have a cultural or social background that encourages or rewards bragging, and they use bragging as a norm or a strategy to succeed in their environment.
Bragging can have negative consequences for both the bragger and the listener. Bragging can make the bragger seem arrogant, selfish, or insecure, and it can cause the listener to feel annoyed, envious, or inferior. Bragging can also damage the relationship between the bragger and the listener, as it can create a sense of imbalance, distrust, or resentment.
Therefore, it is important to learn how to stop bragging and be humbler. Humility is the quality of being modest, respectful, and realistic about one’s abilities and achievements. Humility can help you improve your self-esteem, your relationships, and your well-being.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO DO SOMETHING NOW? - SOME EXAMPLES
Self-awareness:
Recognize and acknowledge the behavior: The first step is to be aware of when you're bragging or showing off. Pay attention to your conversations and actions.
Reflect on motives:
Ask yourself why you feel the need to brag: Reflect on the underlying reasons for your behavior. Are you seeking validation, attention, or trying to boost your self-esteem?
Practice humility:
Cultivate humility: Focus on being humble and appreciating the achievements of others. Acknowledge that everyone has strengths and accomplishments.
Listen actively:
Be a good listener: Instead of talking about yourself, actively listen to others. Show genuine interest in their experiences and achievements.
Empathy:
Put yourself in others' shoes: Consider how your behavior might make others feel. Empathy can help you connect with people on a deeper level.
Set boundaries:
Be mindful of context: Understand the appropriate times and places to share accomplishments. Avoid constantly bringing up your achievements in unrelated conversations.
Celebrate others:
Acknowledge others' successes: Celebrate and congratulate others on their accomplishments without feeling the need to one-up them.
Share credit:
Give credit where it's due: If you've achieved something as part of a team, acknowledge the contributions of others. Avoid taking sole credit for group efforts.
Tone down social media:
Limit self-promotion online: Be mindful of how often you share personal achievements on social media. Balance self-expression with consideration for your audience.
Practice gratitude:
Focus on gratitude: Regularly express gratitude for the positive aspects of your life. This can help shift your mindset away from constant self-promotion.
Surround yourself with honest friends:
Seek feedback: Ask friends or family members for honest feedback about your behavior. They can provide valuable insights and help you stay accountable.
Educate yourself:
Read about humility and modesty: There are plenty of books and articles on the subject. Learning about the importance of humility can reinforce your commitment to change.
STOP DOING NOW:
Constantly talking about yourself:
Avoid dominating conversations with stories about your achievements and experiences.
Comparing yourself to others:
Refrain from constantly measuring your success against that of others. Focus on your own growth.
Interrupting others:
Stop interrupting people to interject with your own accomplishments. Allow others to finish speaking before sharing your thoughts.
One-upping:
Resist the urge to one-up others when they share their achievements. Instead, express genuine happiness for them.
Excessive self-promotion on social media:
Cut down on the frequency of posting about your accomplishments on social platforms. Share a more balanced view of your life.
Ignoring others' contributions:
Stop dismissing or downplaying the contributions of others when working in a group or team setting.
Seeking validation through bragging:
Break the habit of seeking validation from others through constant self-promotion. Find internal validation through your own sense of accomplishment.
CAN I REALISTICALLY STOP BRAGGING?
Acknowledge your bragging behavior and its impact on others. Be honest with yourself and admit that you have a problem with bragging. Think about how your bragging makes others feel and how it affects your reputation and your relationships.
Identify the root cause of your bragging. Ask yourself why you feel the need to brag. Is it because you are insecure, lonely, bored, or unhappy? Is it because you have a personality disorder, a cultural influence, or a social pressure? Try to understand the underlying issues that drive your bragging.
Seek professional help if needed. If you have a mental health condition, such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, or narcissism, that contributes to your bragging, you may benefit from seeing a therapist or a counselor. They can help you address your emotional and psychological needs and provide you with coping skills and strategies to overcome your bragging.
Practice gratitude. Gratitude is the feeling of appreciation for what you have and what others do for you. Gratitude can help you reduce your bragging by making you more aware of your blessings and more thankful for your achievements. Gratitude can also make you more empathetic and generous towards others.
Keep a gratitude journal. A gratitude journal is a diary where you write down the things that you are grateful for every day. Keeping a gratitude journal can help you stop bragging by reminding you of the positive aspects of your life and the people who support you. It can also help you cultivate a habit of gratitude and a positive attitude.
Share your achievements with humility. There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself and your accomplishments, as long as you do it with humility. Humility means acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, giving credit to others who helped you, and being respectful of others who may not have the same opportunities or abilities as you.
Use the “sandwich method” when talking about yourself. The sandwich method is a technique where you insert a positive statement about yourself between two negative or neutral statements. For example, instead of saying “I aced the test, I’m so smart”, you can say “The test was really hard, I aced it, but I still have a lot to learn”. This can help you balance your self-praise with self-criticism and avoid sounding boastful.
Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others can make you feel either superior or inferior, depending on how you measure up. Either way, it can lead you to brag or belittle yourself or others. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own goals, progress, and achievements. Recognize that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and that everyone is on their own journey.
Celebrate the achievements of others. One way to stop bragging is to shift the spotlight from yourself to others. When someone else does something great, congratulate them, compliment them, and express your happiness for them. Be sincere and genuine in your praise, and avoid making it about yourself. This can help you show your appreciation and admiration for others, and also make them feel good about themselves.
Ask for feedback. Feedback is the information that you receive from others about your performance, behavior, or attitude. Feedback can help you stop bragging by giving you a reality check and a chance to improve yourself. Ask for feedback from people who know you well and who can give you honest and constructive criticism. Listen to their feedback with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
Learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable and unavoidable, but they are also valuable and useful. Mistakes can help you stop bragging by making you realize your limitations and areas of improvement. Instead of denying, hiding, or blaming your mistakes, admit them, apologize for them, and learn from them. Use your mistakes as opportunities to grow and become better.
Seek new challenges. Challenges are situations that test your skills, abilities, or knowledge. Challenges can help you stop bragging by making you face your fears and overcome your obstacles. Instead of avoiding, resisting, or complaining about challenges, embrace them, accept them, and enjoy them. Use your challenges as opportunities to explore and discover new things.
Develop new skills. Skills are the abilities that you have or acquire to do something well. Skills can help you stop bragging by making you more competent and confident in various domains. Instead of resting on your laurels, stagnating, or being complacent, seek to learn new skills, improve your existing skills, or master new skills. Use your skills as opportunities to contribute and create value.
Be curious. Curiosity is the desire to know more about something or someone. Curiosity can help you stop bragging by making you more interested and engaged in the world around you. Instead of being bored, indifferent, or arrogant, be curious, enthusiastic, and humble. Ask questions, listen to answers, and seek to understand different perspectives and experiences. Use your curiosity as an opportunity to expand your knowledge and horizons.
Be kind. Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Kindness can help you stop bragging by making you more compassionate and caring towards others. Instead of being rude, selfish, or insensitive, be kind, helpful, and supportive. Do small acts of kindness, such as smiling, saying thank you, giving compliments, or offering help. Use your kindness as an opportunity to spread joy and positivity.
Be respectful. Respect is the feeling of admiration or deference that you have or show for someone or something. Respect can help you stop bragging by making you more polite and courteous towards others. Instead of being disrespectful, dismissive, or judgmental, be respectful, attentive, and appreciative. Treat others as you would like to be treated, and follow the rules and norms of the situation. Use your respect as an opportunity to build trust and rapport.
Be generous. Generosity is the quality of being willing to give or share more than what is necessary or expected. Generosity can help you stop bragging by making you more altruistic and benevolent towards others. Instead of being greedy, stingy, or hoarding, be generous, giving, and sharing. Give your time, money, or resources to those who need it, or to causes that you care about. Use your generosity as an opportunity to make a difference and leave a legacy.
Be mindful. Mindfulness is the state of being aware of and attentive to the present moment, without judgment or distraction. Mindfulness can help you stop bragging by making you more conscious and intentional about your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Instead of being mindless, impulsive, or reactive, be mindful, deliberate, and proactive. Pay attention to what is happening in the here and now, and choose your responses.
Be forgiving. Forgiveness is the act of letting go of resentment or anger towards someone who has harmed you or wronged you. Forgiveness can help you stop bragging by making you more merciful and magnanimous towards others. Instead of being unforgiving, bitter, or vengeful, be forgiving, peaceful, and reconciliatory. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and forgive others for theirs. Use your forgiveness as an opportunity to heal and move on.
Be honest. Honesty is the quality of being truthful, sincere, and fair. Honesty can help you stop bragging by making you more authentic and trustworthy towards others. Instead of being dishonest, deceptive, or manipulative, be honest, transparent, and accountable. Tell the truth, even if it is hard or uncomfortable. Use your honesty as an opportunity to build credibility and integrity.
Be open-minded. Open-mindedness is the willingness to consider new or different ideas, opinions, or perspectives. Open-mindedness can help you stop bragging by making you more receptive and adaptable to others. Instead of being closed-minded, dogmatic, or rigid, be open-minded, curious, and flexible. Listen to what others have to say, and try to understand where they are coming from. Use your open-mindedness as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Be humble. Humility is the quality of being modest, respectful, and realistic about one’s abilities and achievements. Humility can help you stop bragging by making you more grounded and balanced in yourself and others. Instead of being arrogant, boastful, or pretentious, be humble, modest, and respectful. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, give credit to others who helped you, and be respectful of others who may not have the same opportunities or abilities as you. Use your humility as an opportunity to improve yourself and your relationships.
Be self-aware. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Self-awareness can help you stop bragging by making you more conscious and intentional about your actions and their consequences. Instead of being unaware, oblivious, or impulsive, be self-aware, reflective, and deliberate. Pay attention to how you feel, think, and act, and how they affect yourself and others. Use your self-awareness as an opportunity to regulate and change your behavior.
Be positive. Positivity is the state of being optimistic, hopeful, and confident. Positivity can help you stop bragging by making you more happy and satisfied with yourself and others. Instead of being negative, pessimistic, or cynical, be positive, optimistic, and hopeful. Focus on the bright side of things, and expect the best outcomes. Use your positivity as an opportunity to inspire and motivate yourself and others.
Be yourself. Being yourself is the act of expressing your true self, without pretending, hiding, or conforming to others’ expectations. Being yourself can help you stop bragging by making you more comfortable and confident in your own skin. Instead of being someone else, fake, or insecure, be yourself, real, and secure. Embrace your uniqueness, and celebrate your individuality. Use your being yourself as an opportunity to enjoy and love yourself and others.
START DOING NOW:
Active listening:
Practice active listening by giving others your full attention and showing genuine interest in what they have to say.
Ask about others:
Initiate conversations by asking about others' experiences, accomplishments, and interests. Show curiosity about their lives.
Expressing humility:
Acknowledge your mistakes and areas for improvement. Share your successes in a humble and modest manner.
Celebrating others:
Make a conscious effort to celebrate the achievements of those around you. Offer genuine congratulations and support.
Giving credit:
Whenever appropriate, give credit to others for their contributions. Highlight the collaborative aspect of achievements.
Focusing on the team:
Emphasize the collective success of a team rather than individual achievements. Use inclusive language that acknowledges group efforts.
Practicing gratitude:
Start a daily or weekly gratitude practice. Reflect on and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.
Sharing vulnerabilities:
Open up about your challenges and vulnerabilities. This can create a more authentic connection with others.
Setting communication boundaries:
Be mindful of the context and appropriateness of sharing personal achievements. Save certain conversations for appropriate settings.
Encouraging others:
Actively encourage and support others in their pursuits. Offer help and advice when asked, and be a positive influence.
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